Story

Grace within the desire.

She didn’t know where it came from, it just did.

For years she had been down on her monetary luck. Had searched inside plumbed the shadows yet always the fate of best intentions gone wrong ruled.

It wasn’t a story within her, though something may of been said of the stars, it was simply the way it was. Shadow work, parts work, recapitulation, continual construction and deconstruction of every part, every strand, yet still, the money didn’t work. The incredible thing was, she didn’t realise the money wasn’t working.

Now you might think being old or of wise years, how can anyone not know the money wasn’t working? Well, for her it was simple, she had so few needs, so few wants, that money wasn’t a thing. Money was a thing for others but not for her. Warm stones, cool mud, sweet scented flowers, they were hers. Hot coffee, cream, butter melted on toast, they were hers. And yet, she had never thought about how feasts, books and shiney rocks appeared before her, they just did. It wasn’t until one day she listened to a podcast on an iPad, again provided to her by others, she thought “oh!” I’m supposed to want things, need things and I’m supposed to go and get them for myself”.

So she thought long and hard, searched deeply for that mysterious thing that the podcast had said she must desire. It had to be a thing, something she didn’t have but wanted. And you may think, oh my goodness and rattle off your list of car, home, fashion, books, I’m sure you have something in mind. But you, are not her and whenever she cast her thoughts and searched for a thing, a monetary costing thing, nothing came. She already had all she wanted, car, home, loving family and so it was her deepest yearning came to be for something to desire. Something to be wanted passionately became her obsession.

The years passed, her hair grew silver and with it her yearning for an object of desire grew. Finally the yearning flowered for unexplored lands. Upon a lesson from a teacher she heard of a trip. A fiery trip, full of imagination, initiation and magical people that tweaked somewhere deep inside, her heartstrings even. Instantly she knew, that this was a trip she was supposed to be upon. She didn’t know how, but it came to pass that the bits for the trip arrived and soon she was on a plane. She flew to the most exciting and wonderful shores and met the most beautiful people. She knew these people were important to her next stage of growth within the desire world. Yet as always the reasons of now, eluded her. So busy was she soaking up the sights and sounds of people, places and things, desire became ignored again, until she got home.

Once home the travel desire itch, which had started in youth, but had again not been recognised as such, was about, to again, be scratched. Only unlike her previous travel, a desire of her own, this travel was a desire of many. The places to go, the things to do, all of it was dictated and presided over by the will of others and it was upon this trip she realised money was a thing. A thing in and of itself. How do our desires come to us? They come to us through others and in today’s world many of those desires cost money. It was also here she learned another lesson. When you are flowing along one foot in one foot out of this world, money comes easy, so easy you don’t notice it. But when people continually place their monetary reality and realness, fears in your face, if you own those fears as your own, it alters your reality. Unfortunately this is what she did, she owned those fears and as a result disaster happened.

All the desires were blown under a mass of budgets, must do’s and plans, before she could even be gone. She went anyway, only unlike previous trips, this time she carried massive money worries in her backpack and they were very heavy. She lugged that backpack over four different borders. Every day the backpack grew heavier. She began to watch the fears of others, now owned by her, play out before her eyes. Accomodation scams being one, scenes of death and poverty being another. Finally it was the worst fear, of being stuck in a foreign land, unable to get home, that came to pass.

Oh how she cried, wailed and rallied, pleading with Gods, offering to Saints, bargaining with Elementals. Her breath so high and tight in her chest, gulps of air, sobs upon the phone and in a moments heart ripping fear, she did what she had never done to humans before. She asked for help. And there on the end of her gifted phone, help, in human form, arrived.

There are stories in the making of the travels between the human on the end of that phone and our lady. They have out drunk the stars, sewn Godly stitches under Venus’s gaze and who knew where, their tale, that began on the first desired fiery trip of desire would end? And here now, was her lesson. If not for finding the fiery travel desire, those years ago, the helpful friend would never of been met. And when landing so hard in a foreign land, without that special, adored, incredibly rare, beautiful friend, she would never of been able to take off again. She would have remained, stuck, sobbing, starving, on foreign shores. The friend didn’t provide only the means to fly again. The friend provided a faith, a hope, in humanity, which she who spent her life among the Other than Human, hadn’t realised, was not in her possession.

Only when walking with people, does one look into a mirror. And only when walking amongst people does one get to realise what wonderful precious beings they are. Not only do people present us with our desires, they present us with ways to fulfil them. More than Gods, Saints and planets, it was a person who came through. And you may very cynically ask but where is the divine in all that monetary murk. And I will tell you what our lady learned, the divine was in the desire.